Shyness can be great liability in building business connections, careers and your circle of influence says karl smith, business networking and referral coach. It is through networking that we find advice on personal and business challenges, learn of job opportunities, and develop new business. Whether it be shyness, introversion, or a lack of confidence in what to say, networking can be painful because successful networking entails attending social functions, meeting new people, building trust and staying visible through self-promotion.

Many shy people thrive in the business world because it provides them with a “role” to play that legitimises the things they do. As long as they are acting “on behalf” of the company or in the best interests of someone else, they find the strength to do great things. But ask them to step outside that role? They melt, if not dissolve, as their self- confidence crumbles. The saddest part about shyness in the business world is not the discomfort it causes, but the opportunities that shy people are missing because they sit back in staff meetings, training sessions and business negotiations silently watching as their colleagues speak up and reaps their rewards while they are still formulating our thoughts.

Most shyness experts seem to assume that shyness is a function of fear of rejection. But for some, shyness is more the result of a lack of social skills. From networking to job interviews to public speaking, shyness stunts your growth. For better or for worse, connections make the world go round and the following tips will help to overcome shyness:
• First, take baby steps. Don’t assume that you will become a professional networker right away. Start by attending an event where you know a majority of the people and then work up to a function where everyone is a stranger and potential contact.

• For those uncomfortable business social functions, think in advance of what you might say to the strangers there. “Conversation is not random,” Smith points out. “Have something to say. Read the newspaper or a magazine or go to a news Internet source to know what the topics of the day are.”

• Attend a conference or business function with a more outgoing individual and ask that person to introduce you to a few of his or her associates.

• During the networking event, look for people you know who are talking with people you don’t know. Approach the group and stand just outside of the circle, within the view of the person you know. This is a well-understood cue that will prompt the person you know to introduce you to the group and bring you into the conversation.

• Stand near the registration desk and look for opportunities to make small talk with the people who have just registered. This is the moment where everyone is alone and looking to meet someone to talk with.

• It’s also important to remember you are probably not the only shy person in the room. Many people are uncomfortable with group interaction, so search these people out. It may be easier at first to meet people who are just as shy as you.

• Stand near the food. As people circulate around the buffet table, small talk comes more easily. “Boy that chicken looks good…” is as good an opener as any. Usually people will look for a place to park their plate and beverage, once they have food, so you will have an opportunity to take a spot next to them and strike up a conversation.

• Network online. While some shy people hide behind their email accounts, online networking is an important strategy. But instead of networking only online, use online networks to introduce yourself before an in-person or on-the-phone interaction.

• Another thing to remember is that an important part of networking is listening. This is often a component that shy people are comfortable with and excel in. When building new relationships learning about your latest contact is just as important as them learning about you. That’s right! Great listeners are fun to converse with because they allow the other person to do the talking. People love to talk about themselves. The main problem you are probably having is that you are so focused on your discomfort with talking to strangers that you forget how great it is to be in a conversation with you.

• Be Yourself. “You don’t have to be the schmoozer,” says Smith. The problem with the schmoozer’s approach to networking is that he or she doesn’t have the right intent: They are not interested in helping other people – only themselves, says Smith. Be the authentic, humble, shy person you are. It can be endearing. Don’t try to be something you’re not. In other words, it’s OK if you’re a little awkward. Just don’t keep apologising for it.

Shy people often have difficulty talking to the boss. If that’s the case, plan ahead, Smith recommends. Make an appointment to speak with the person and practice what you are going to say ahead of time. You prepare them for what you are going to say and also put yourself into a more predictable mode.

It’s not just a matter of being a wallflower at a business function. Shyness can follow a person into adulthood and become not only a social barrier but a handicap in the workplace, says Smith. It helps to remember a time when you have had successful social encounter. If you are getting nervous or anxious at the idea of networking in social settings or the workplace, think back to a time where it went well. These recollections may boost your confidence and help you get through the experience.

Copyright 2009 by Karl Smith
This article may be copied or republished with the following credit:
“By Karl Smith, South Africa’s Business Networking and Referral Coach, Cape Town, South Africa. +27 (0) 082 7779431, karl@businessnetworkingsouthafrica.co.za “ www.businessnetworkingsouthafrica.co.za “